I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
