just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
