I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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