But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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