id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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