Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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