stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
