She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
