i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
