So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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