i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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