im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
this will be a night to untag.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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