we have pet lesbian snakes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
