Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
