Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
