It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
