I got chris browned last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Holy shit dude........stairs
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
