Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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