Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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