i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
