Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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