Sry I called you an 8
Acid is not a monday night drug
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
