omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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