Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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