If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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