He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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