You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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