Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
why do cheetos always look like penises
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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