I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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