There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
