she woke up with a sticky ear
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
