I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
