dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
