HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
