I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Found the puke drawer
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
