One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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