I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
