There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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