those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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