I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
