Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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