Betty ford says i'm here all night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
