It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
