i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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