i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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