Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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