i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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