So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
