shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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