I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
