The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
