I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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