3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
